


I couldn't just... not say it

by ChocoNut



Series: Many ways to say I love you [68]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Confession, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Post 8x3, Season 8, after the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22571095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocoNut/pseuds/ChocoNut
Summary: Cornered to a wall with the dead advancing, Jaime is on the brink of saying something. Is it what Brienne thinks it is?
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: Many ways to say I love you [68]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1234904
Comments: 12
Kudos: 103





	I couldn't just... not say it

**Author's Note:**

> A little warm-up fluff to get me back into the groove and into my longer fics.  
> Let me know if you like it.

They were inching closer like beasts of prey, their pace steady and measured, their targets marked and doomed to a fate worse than death. 

Brienne’s eyes darted to her left, meeting Podrick’s. Fear, un-hidden and blatant, they held, but accompanying it was a steely determination to fight till his last breath, to never give up, to never surrender. While she held Pod's gaze, out of the corner of her eye, she could see the dead ambling towards them, undeterred and unstoppable as they narrowed the distance with every step they took. She didn’t even have to count how many they were surrounded by. They just stood no chance. Soon they would be licking the dust and ash on the ground, joining the piles of corpses strewn all over, or worse still, three more to join the army that looked determined to conquer.

Turning to her other side, she found Jaime’s eyes seeking hers simultaneously. In them was the same apprehension as everyone else, but alongside it was something more, a restlessness, a helplessness, a desperation… 

_Not very different from what I feel…_

She let herself fall deeper into his eyes. There was no better way she could’ve spent her last moments, no one else she would’ve wanted to be with mere seconds away from certain death. She'd be fortunate to die beside the man she loved, if not in his arms. Where love was concerned, the Seven had not shown her much kindness, but this, they wouldn’t snatch away from her. They couldn’t be that cruel.

_One more minute. Maybe even less..._

The footsteps were drawing closer like ominous drum beats, signalling the beginning of their downfall. Brienne’s heart picked up pace, her palms laced with sweat in the icy wintry night. 

_Anytime now…_

She wanted to look her enemy in the eye, to face death like a warrior and the knight she was, but try as she might, she couldn’t break away from Jaime's binding gaze. 

_But I have to…_

She shook herself back to senses and gathering all her resolve, gripped her sword and directed her concentration to their enemy. 

_I must put all I can into this one last battle, to try and protect them both. I wish the gods would be kind enough to let me have that one last privilege, I wish I could--_

“Brienne,” Jaime croaked, his voice throwing her back into the trance-like state his moist eyes had put her into. “Look at me.” His despair, the pain in his plea, dragged her attention back to him. “There’s something I need to tell you,” he began talking with a sense of haste, “something you ought to know before it’s too late, before one or both of us end up as walking corpses,” so in a hurry, that he stumbled on a few words, faltering and mis-speaking one or two in his urgency. 

“Yes?” she said, in barely a whisper, immersed in him - his fiery gaze, his voice, his words, her anticipation growing as she waited for him to finish, the meagre few seconds of existence they had left leaving her with a mounting apprehension that she might not be granted enough time to hear what her heart had been aching for him to say. 

“Brienne, I--”

His words fell flat when the footsteps abruptly ceased, and before she could take in what was happening, their would-be assassins crashed to the ground in a huge pile of dust. 

Silence followed, the only sound that of their racing hearts and ragged breathing. Was this the end? Were they safe? And then, everywhere around them, loud cries erupted - screams of triumph, relief and disbelief that they had survived to tell the tale. 

Brienne immediately turned to Pod, the safety of her squire her foremost priority. “I’ll go see if the injured need any help,” the boy said, the firmness in his tone reassuring her that he had suffered no lasting damage. _He has definitely come a long way,_ she silently agreed with Jaime as she watched him step around the strewn corpses and reach out to those who weren’t as fortunate as them. 

Suddenly recalling that there was an unfinished conversation hanging in the air between Jaime and her, she turned to him, anxiety and expectation tightening her chest. “You--you were about to say something,” she carefully reminded him, hoping she wasn’t sounding too breathless.

After a moment of fidgeting with the hilt of his sword, he began, “I just wanted to tell you that I--” He paused, pressing his lips together. She could see the beads of perspiration dotting his sooty forehead. “I wanted to let you know that it’s been an honour fighting by your side, Ser Brienne.”

“Oh!” 

It had come out before she could contain herself, a spontaneous expression of her disappointment, a self-admonishment for seeing something he didn’t show her, for imagining what wasn’t more than deep respect and friendship for what she it wanted to be. “It’s been an honour for me as well,” she managed, bringing back the normalcy in her tone. “I should leave now,” she said, not wanting to dwell too much on what was not to be; what could never be. “The wounded need assistance--”

She broke off when he shuffled closer to her, his unexpected proximity enveloping her in a blanket of warmth despite the freezing winds around them, his hand on her cheek obliterating the mayhem and chaos around her.

Her heart began thumping furiously when he touched her face, pumping faster than it ever had when he ran his thumb along a gash above her lip. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner, Brienne.” 

“You got there soon enough,” she said, meaning every word of it. No one else had ever risked their life for her, put themselves before her. “Like you did at Harrenhal.” 

His eyes were brighter than the flames around them, stormy and turbulent, and before she could comprehend the torrid intensity in them, he leaned across, his lips meeting hers. 

He smelled of ash and blood and near-death, of destruction and pain, but his mouth was the sweetest she had ever tasted, his fingers, the softest silk to have touched her in spite of the many calluses and cuts that decorated them. She could live like this forever, her lips tied to his, her tongue woven into his, his touch burning into her skin. In one golden moment, the world around her had transformed from a massive funeral pyre to someplace that promised the future of her dreams.

Her indifference to death had given way to a desire to live. With him, for him.

“That’s quite a nice way to say whatever you wanted to,” she softly teased when he pulled back.

“I’m not too deft with words,” he replied, his hand still lingering on her skin.

Brienne couldn’t hold back a smile. “Oh, is it? What happened to the countless one-sided conversations you’ve had with me? You went to great lengths to annoy me, leaving me wishing I’d rather hang myself than put up with you.”

“You were no less infuriating,” he complained, his eyes twinkling. “Talking to a wall was much easier, wench, than trying to make your acquaintance.”

She went on in the same playful vein. “Are you insulting me again?”

“I swear, I’m not. I’m just reminding you that you weren’t the only one to have a tough time when we first met--”

“No one asked you to talk to me,” she defended herself, chuckling. “You could’ve come quietly and made things easier for us.”

He smiled, looking years younger than he was. “If I had _come quietly_ , we wouldn’t have made it this far.”

Blushing, she straightened when he got close to her again. “We’d better get out of here and back to where we can be of help,” she said, remembering they weren’t in a garden but a battlefield.

Just as she was about to leave, she was held back by a tug on her arm.

“I love you, Brienne,” Jaime whispered, stroking her cheek again, his words and the affectionate longing in his voice taking her by pleasant surprise. 

“Ser Jaime--” _I love you too_ , she wanted to say, but words failed her and she faltered, resorting to drink in the passion in his eyes instead.

Pushing back a lock of her hair, he brought his face to hers. “I just couldn’t… ” He let his lips caress hers again, the sweet friction sending a spasm down her belly. “I just couldn’t… not say it, my lady, and live to see the light of another dawn.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
